Frustration
by Atuliel
Summary: AH. Jason attends Elizabeth's wedding with Carly and grows tired of pretending.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All belongs to _General Hospital_ creators and writers.

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Jason stood next to Carly while she made small talk with her mother. He was hoping they could leave soon. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. He pondered going to the shooting range for a while after he dropped Carly off at home. Unfortunately, by the time they left, he feared it would be too late for any shooting range. They'd all be closed. His punching bag would have to do.

The 'blushing bride,' as Carly called her, was looking at him again. Jason nodded once and averted his gaze. He couldn't look at her any longer or he'd scream. That mask of steel he wore to hide his feelings was beginning to lose its strength, to peel away and reveal the pain burning inside.

Jason spied Carly glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, but didn't look down at her. Instead, he merely observed the merrymakers around the room, eyeing the decorations.

Lulu had dragged Spinelli off earlier and neither had returned. He assumed, due to Lulu's determination that Elizabeth and Lucky be married, that the blonde had chosen to keep Spinelli away permanently. It was probably best—the kid clearly had no hold on his mouth.

The Spencer house looked beautiful lined with so many flowers and decorations, but none of it compared to Elizabeth.

He looked sharply at Carly when she stepped on his foot. She jerked her head toward the person she was talking to and he found that Bobbie had wandered away and Audrey was deigning to speak to them. She gave him a pinched smile.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Jason asked, irritated at being pulled out of his thoughts for anything but getting out of this ridiculous affair.

"I asked how you were enjoying the festivities," Audrey repeated politely.

"Oh." He blinked and averted his gaze. "It's good."

"It does look lovely, doesn't it?" she asked, glancing around the room.

"Sure," he said distractedly.

"I'm so glad you could both come," she said delightedly, mostly to Carly. "I'm sure it means the world to both Lucky and Elizabeth that you could be here on their special day."

"Ah, well, we wouldn't have missed it," Carly returned with a pinched smile.

"It's been such a rough time for the both of them," Audrey continued, grating on Jason's nerves. "But we all knew they would come together in the end."

"Oh, yeah, they're…absolutely perfect together," Carly conceded through tight lips. "Wouldn't you agree, Jason?"

He glanced at them, patience wearing thin.

"Sure," he said stiffly.

"I'm glad you think so, Jason," a new voice said from behind Audrey.

Lucky stood there with Elizabeth under one arm and a glass of wine in the other hand. Audrey turned and stepped aside to make room for them in their circle of conversation. Jason huffed, though he tried to lower the volume of it for Elizabeth's sake.

"We certainly do, don't we, Mrs. Spencer?" Lucky said sweetly, peering down at his bride.

Jason wanted to puke on him.

Elizabeth nodded and smiled, though to Jason it looked pinched, and turned to accept the kiss Lucky bestowed upon her.

Jason sighed and bent down to mutter in Carly's ear. "Are you about ready to go?"

Carly gave him a reproachful glance and he stuffed his hands in his pockets, letting his eyes wander while she conversed with the happy couple and Audrey. He was aware of Elizabeth staring at him, but he focused his gaze solely on one of the centerpieces.

Fortunately, Carly stepped on his foot again when he was supposed to say something.

"…for coming," Lucky was saying presently.

"Of course," Carly said pleasantly. "Congratulations."

"Congratulations," Jason muttered, sighing.

The happy couple and Audrey hurried away to mind their other guests. Jason found Carly staring at him again and offered her a weak smile.

"You really want to go, don't you?" she asked sourly.

He sighed. "We can stay, if you really want to."

"Look, I just have to say goodbye to Mom and everyone," she said comfortingly. "Why don't you wait outside and I'll be out as soon as I can?"

Jason felt the urge to hug her, but he simply nodded and walked toward the door. As soon as he made it out the door without anyone cutting him off, he let out a deep breath and ran a hand down his face, slowing his step as he made it off the porch. The tension drained from his frame and he allowed himself a moment to stand alone in the silence and the sunshine.

"Jason, you're leaving?"

He turned and found Elizabeth carefully making her way down the steps. She came to a stop a few feet away, looking at him expectantly. He took a deep breath.

"Yes, Mrs. Spencer."

He'd intended it to come out light, teasing, but knew it had sounded flat and almost insulting. Elizabeth winced.

"Please don't do that," she murmured so softly he had to lean in a bit to catch it.

"Do what?" Jason retorted.

He was surprised to find that he had already put his mask back up, hiding from her. His guards were hardening, pushing her out, even as he looked down at the great beauty before him. The mother of his child. His former irritation from inside the house appeared to have followed Elizabeth out, for he felt himself growing more and more wound up.

"_That_." His confusion must have shown, because she clarified. "Please don't distance yourself like that." She watched him with worried eyes. "Don't push me away, please. I-I want us to be friends, like we used to be."

He nodded, avoiding her eyes. "We are."

She opened her mouth as though to protest, but simply exhaled instead.

"I…was glad to see you here today," she said hesitantly.

"Yeah, you, uh…." He glanced at her. "You said that already."

"Jason, what is it? What's wrong?" she asked desperately, inching closer to him.

He felt the urge to laugh rising up, but quelled it. What was wrong? What did she _think_ was wrong?

"Nothing," he lied.

"Don't say that," Elizabeth said firmly, coming closer and placing a hand on his arm. "Please, tell me."

Jason stared at the forbidden contact, gritting his teeth. What was she trying to do to him?

"Talk to me," she said softly.

His eyes snapped to hers. He wanted to laugh, or walk away, or something, but all he could find the energy to do was shake his head.

"At least tell me what it is," Elizabeth persevered, clearly hurt. "Is it something I've done? Jason, please—"

He found her persistence even more aggravating than Audrey's comments about what a wonderful couple Lucky and Elizabeth made. What did she want from him?

"Do you think I wanted to be here?" he blurted, scowling at her. She jumped, retracting her hand. "Do you think I wanted to see you marry someone else? To hear you say you love Lucky for the hundredth time? I didn't. I just want to leave in peace, but you can't even give me that. _Stop_ coming after me and thanking me for giving up my son and telling me you want to be friends, Elizabeth. All it does is hurt."

Jason gripped his chest above his heart, feeling it pound so hard he thought it might break. He didn't even know where the words were coming from; they just kept spilling past his lips, and Elizabeth flinched as though he was slapping her.

"I don't want to hear how much you love Lucky and how much I must love Sam, either," he continued roughly. "Just leave me alone if you have nothing else to say." He paused, taking a deep breath. That part of it wasn't even true. He didn't want her to leave him alone, not at all, but he hadn't been able to stop it from coming out. His voice was gentler when he continued. "It hurts to hear you say it over and over. I can't take it anymore."

Elizabeth was staring up at him, tears in her eyes. They both froze for a moment, holding one another's gaze, before she wiped at her eyes, attempting not to mess up her makeup. When she lifted her head again, she didn't meet his eyes, but held her chin aloft, staying strong.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "All I wanted was to make this easy on you, and—"

"There is no _easy_ way to do this, Elizabeth," Jason told her, just as softly.

She nodded mutely. He stared at her, wishing he could take back his harsh words and make her smile. There was no way to go back in time and try again, though, and he was left with the awkward silence he'd created.

Staring down into her eyes, Jason found himself drawn into a scene where he told her he loved her. Her shocked face greeted him and he huffed, shaking his head of the rare fantasy he was granted. It was only when he looked at the real Elizabeth's expression that he realized he'd said it out loud.

"You…you what?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"I love you," he repeated, then cursed mentally.

Apparently his brain-to-mouth filter wasn't on. He couldn't take it back, though—maybe he didn't even really want to—so he just watched her, grimacing, hoping she wouldn't hurt him.

"I love you," Elizabeth said breathlessly.

He wasn't sure if she was repeating it to herself to try and wrap her mind around the words or if she was actually saying it to him. He knew she must've seen the uncertainty in his gaze, for she went on.

"Really," she said eagerly. "I do. D-do you believe me?"

Considering the fact that she'd just married another man, it might have made more sense if Jason had said no. But the fear of rejection, the hope, the adoration in her eyes convinced him otherwise. He allowed himself a small smile and stepped forward, cupping her cheek in his palm. She looked up at him, confused, and uttered a small "oh!" when he bent down toward her. She craned her neck to reach up for him and met his lips willingly.

Jason closed his eyes, losing himself in the taste of her and the feel of her all around him. Her hands on his back and the bump of her stomach, their child, between them, her soft hair and lips—everything about her in that moment intoxicated him. When he finally pulled away, all of the sensations lingered around him and he smiled.

Elizabeth's eyes betrayed her when she realized what they had just done, where they were. He watched as panic set in right before his eyes. She started to pull away, but he held her fast in his arms, guiding her chin up with the pads of his fingers ever-so gently so she would meet his eyes.

"Everything will be all right now," he assured her, kissing her again briefly. "I promise."

And he felt her relax as, for once, they both believed it really would.


End file.
